For the First post of this year i decided to shed the cynicism for a bit!
If you know me personally, you’ll believe
it when I say love happens every day, you’ll also believe me when I say I’m in
love. What you won’t believe is when I say I don’t believe in our notion of
love. 14th February 2015. Valentine ’s Day. A day perceived to
belong to romantics and those in love to express their feelings. A wave of
cynicism found its way to me and soaked me in it. So to be fair to all those
who use today as an excuse to feel love I decided to give today a chance.
I woke up to my radio playing ‘ pyaar hua
ikraar hua hai, pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil?’, dressed, had a quick
breakfast and left for the NGO. The
streets were full of people selling roses, the cars full of couples and I, I
had no one but myself for company. I reached the NGO and at least 5 people
wished me a ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ they had no idea why or who this day was for
but it was a day where cards were made and gifts were given, laughing at human
folly I wished them back. For some weird reason I felt myself smile and
pictured this as one of my happy moments.
I went home to meet my little cousin who
had a science project, and with creativity I didn’t know I possess I helped him
do it all. Since then I’ve received a total of 10 thank yous. And hearing them I think, ‘so much of love.
For me?’
I then decided that world over girls were
being taken on ‘dates’ so being a girl I should go on one as well. It was
probably the best idea I had. I put on a meager amount of makeup, combed my
hair which is usually left carefully careless and stood in front of the mirror
and asked myself out for the evening. What better place to find solace than an
amphitheatre- one with back to back theatre programs. Alone, not lonely…just
alone, I sat in the front row and watched the drama unfold. They say when an artist lets you, the public,
into his private space and you appreciate it, there is no greater reward for
him. Whoever this ‘they’ is they were seriously mistaken. When an artist lets
you into his private space, he helps you open a window into your own soul, he
mesmerizes you with his expression and captivates you with his meaning, he
gives you a reason for new found wonder and at that moment you can see your
real self merge with what you perceive to be yourself. It is not he who should
thank you but us who should be eternally grateful to him for having unlocked a
part of our souls we had so easily ignored.
I sat in my car, drove off to yet another
family gathering. Introspective as ever
after an evening of revelation I came to the conclusion that we all have
different perceptions of love, different plans and different ideas of
celebrating this complex yet simple emotion.
This day we choose as a day of love meant a lot of different things to a
lot of different people.
For A it was promising B he would cherish
her their whole life long.
For C it was telling his best Friend he
loved her.
For D it was telling her neighbor she
adored him.
For E it was realizing she loved F.
For the florist it was a day of sky high
profits.
For Me it was knowing that love needs no
definition, no day to be celebrated, no person to depend on. It was the breeze
in my hair, the soft hum of old love songs, the quiet voice of a long lost
friend, the self realization and belief that I truly loved myself, my
strengths, my weaknesses, my eccentricity, my moods, my words, my friends, my
family, my beliefs, my love for theatre and satire.
I was my own Valentine and I couldn’t have
given myself a better gift, though there are a few people who deserve thanks as
well. There are a million blank spaces waiting to be filled, a few thousand
scattered thoughts, some hundred unwritten stories and there always will be.
But for now, I’m writing My Story and grinning like a fool but for once I’m
happy and I’m quite content not trying to find a source for my happiness. I still don’t know about Valentine’s Day but
when you’re in love with yourself, at peace with your soul, happy without a
reason, the worlds a better place and Valentines suddenly has a new meaning to
it.
P.S If you ever wonder how I could be so
self contradictory, I finally have an answer…. I am a Woman, I can be as
Contrary as I choose.
