Valentine's 2015

For the First post of this year i decided to shed the cynicism for a bit! 

If you know me personally, you’ll believe it when I say love happens every day, you’ll also believe me when I say I’m in love. What you won’t believe is when I say I don’t believe in our notion of love. 14^th February 2015. Valentine ’s Day. A day perceived to belong to romantics and those in love to express their feelings. A wave of cynicism found its way to me and soaked me in it. So to be fair to all those who use today as an excuse to feel love I decided to give today a chance.

I woke up to my radio playing ‘ pyaar hua ikraar hua hai, pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil?’, dressed, had a quick breakfast and left for the NGO.  The streets were full of people selling roses, the cars full of couples and I, I had no one but myself for company. I reached the NGO and at least 5 people wished me a ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’   they had no idea why or who this day was for but it was a day where cards were made and gifts were given, laughing at human folly I wished them back. For some weird reason I felt myself smile and pictured this as one of my happy moments.

I went home to meet my little cousin who had a science project, and with creativity I didn’t know I possess I helped him do it all. Since then I’ve received a total of 10 thank yous.  And hearing them I think, ‘so much of love. For me?’

I then decided that world over girls were being taken on ‘dates’ so being a girl I should go on one as well. It was probably the best idea I had. I put on a meager amount of makeup, combed my hair which is usually left carefully careless and stood in front of the mirror and asked myself out for the evening. What better place to find solace than an amphitheatre- one with back to back theatre programs. Alone, not lonely…just alone, I sat in the front row and watched the drama unfold.  They say when an artist lets you, the public, into his private space and you appreciate it, there is no greater reward for him. Whoever this ‘they’ is they were seriously mistaken. When an artist lets you into his private space, he helps you open a window into your own soul, he mesmerizes you with his expression and captivates you with his meaning, he gives you a reason for new found wonder and at that moment you can see your real self merge with what you perceive to be yourself. It is not he who should thank you but us who should be eternally grateful to him for having unlocked a part of our souls we had so easily ignored.

I sat in my car, drove off to yet another family gathering.  Introspective as ever after an evening of revelation I came to the conclusion that we all have different perceptions of love, different plans and different ideas of celebrating this complex yet simple emotion.  This day we choose as a day of love meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

For A it was promising B he would cherish her their whole life long.

For C it was telling his best Friend he loved her.

For D it was telling her neighbor she adored him.

For E it was realizing she loved F.

For the florist it was a day of sky high profits.

For Me it was knowing that love needs no definition, no day to be celebrated, no person to depend on. It was the breeze in my hair, the soft hum of old love songs, the quiet voice of a long lost friend, the self realization and belief that I truly loved myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, my eccentricity, my moods, my words, my friends, my family,  my beliefs, my love for  theatre and satire.

I was my own Valentine and I couldn’t have given myself a better gift, though there are a few people who deserve thanks as well. There are a million blank spaces waiting to be filled, a few thousand scattered thoughts, some hundred unwritten stories and there always will be. But for now, I’m writing My Story and grinning like a fool but for once I’m happy and I’m quite content not trying to find a source for my happiness.  I still don’t know about Valentine’s Day but when you’re in love with yourself, at peace with your soul, happy without a reason, the worlds a better place and Valentines suddenly has a new meaning to it.

P.S If you ever wonder how I could be so self contradictory, I finally have an answer…. I am a Woman, I can be as Contrary as I choose.